Drop Dead LOW

Having a low motivation day today. Been working till early morning.. then addup to the studio hours... still worrying on the structures of my soon to be rotating highrise... + envy how the guys always catchup in later design stage. In my observation & experience, the gals always work the hardest, yet still finish last. Hope to improve myself this semester, since next sem I would be doing my practical training. Have to work +++++

I'm not sure if i'm thinking to much or hoping to much, my coincidences are becoming less smile carving, thus i'm feeling stupid + hopeless. Sometimes i feel that i'm puting my self hopes to high, wishing to much, it's in my mind right now that i don't deserve it. Arghhhhh.... i feel inferior. Tired of denying, how far back i kept it on my mind it keeps popping up. Guess the situations i've gone through in the past really had an impact on me.

How does it feel? having someone smile at a glance of you? having people blush when they hear you name? have your smile makes their day better? how the presence of you makes they felt content? I consider my friends lucky, that they have people that appreciate their presence. It's not wrong to love someone, nobody can stop you. But it is always you who wanted to, because it hurts. No matter your loved knows it or not.