Crashing blenders

I broke my mum's blender.. the second one, was it my fault? there was no warning stating
'not suitable to blend ice cubes in this blender' the cubes crash a hole through the blender & the apple juice comes shooting out... Me and my crazy ideas... it's such a hot day, not my fault ;P
My days are getting shorter & the nights appear longer, being online is the most active activity during my holiday...i miss work, because without it i'd be reminded of how lonely i am...then i start feeling all musshy...even looking his nick all day would made me happy... i guess i've been hiding myself behind all these works all my life for me not to be lost in myself and start thinking with my heart, tears seem so easy to shed during holidays with my kitty lending it's ears to hear me weep..

I need thing to do, insya-Allah tomorrow would take my mind of myself, i'm going to Cheer 06' tomorrow with azim & afi. Been longing to go since forever, but never did have the guts to go.. for some reasons. I hate love songs! (at this moment) because i'll be lost in it any time, plus the videos pollute my mind with ideas of 'perfection' of a women being dominated by media culture! well the truth is i just hate my body. so done with it.

I just wonder how i get involved with all these femininity (spelling?) i was a tomboy for gawd sakes! i was happy, being one of the guys...but i'm now the feminine & melancholic.. I kept thinking that there are two sides of me, as my dad's son and my mum's daughter. I love getting my hands dirty, go off-roading with my dad, helping him paint the house fix the car. Yet I grown into somebody I don't know. I love people, I care for people, yet I don't love me.